I sit here trying to uncoil.
Trying to relax and breath through the pain, the sorrow.
After years of learning, what the difference is, and what the difference makes, I still have a hard time with acceptance.
“The courage to accept the things I can not change”
I always felt that it’s not courage, it’s more like Grace.
Courage has me doing what’s right in the face of fear, Grace has me in a place of love and understanding, doing what is on faith.
The teen is home.
I struggle to find the words to express the gifts she brought with her visit.
I listened to her with out judgement,
I made no attempts to counsel,
I answered only those questions put to me.
I cried a lot.
Mine is a marshmallow heart, especially where kids are concerned.
We did some really fun stuff, and I know she loved every minute of it.
Things I take for granted in my day to day living, were so new , so fascinating to her.
She made it fun for my kids too.
The look on her face when she caught her first fish! ( a 14 inch Bass)
Her biting into a honey comb fresh from the hive.
Her streaking up the beach to dance from foot to foot ” I dug a hole and something crawled in it!” a quick reassuring smile and back down to the waters edge.
Teaching her the names of the herbs in my garden, and having her pick the ones that went into my spaghetti sauce. ( the peanut explaining how much of each tastes best)
It was a sweet time, and I am so very glad she came.
On the last day I offered her anything she wanted from my shelves of finished pottery. I told her it didn’t matter if it had a price tag, it didn’t matter what it was, I simply wanted her to take something for herself that she would like. ( I knew most of the things she had made would go to her family she is one of 5 and has a step on both sides. She also possess a very giving heart)
She had a little pile going while trying to decide, when she found a pendant that had a small bowl on the end of it.
“What’s this?” she asked.
So I explained to her , how several years ago I was fortunate to meet some Tibetan monks who were traveling and making Mandalas. I got into some really wonderful conversations with one of them. Then later I read a book that spoke of how these monks would go into the street with a bowl, a begging bowl. They would take whatever was put into their bowl and make dinner out of it. I was inspired to make these tiny bowls on cords as a reminder that every day life puts something in your bowl, and what ever that something is, it’s up to you to use it to nourish your mind, your body or your spirit.
She poked around a little more and then slowly everything started making it’s way back on the shelf, with the exception of that pendant.
She said ” This is what I want, because this is you. You do this, you make the best of everything. When we got lost in the city, you stopped for Ice cream and directions and had a blast laughing with that man. When I asked to go see the birthplace of Harriet Tubbman and it was just a sign in the middle of no where , you laughed and took my picture in front of the corn fields.”
I nodded smiled and said” I hope you enjoy it”,
…then I promptly went up to the bathroom and cried like a baby.
Here I am seeing myself through this kids eyes, and it’s humbling.
Then I get the call, she is home. I hear how all the lovingly made gifts where totally trashed. That they weren’t “enough”, and she feels guilty for not doing enough, or thinking about what some one else might want. So she gave away the pendant, to make a false amend.
I breath slowly through her hurt, and wonder will she make it? Will she grow up to repeat the cycle of ” not worthy enough”? Then I let it it go, because it’s not mine to own.
She gave me my gifts, they were love, laughter and a wonderful set of memories to pull out and laugh with my kids about in the years to come. Those gifts I keep in my bowl.

I am mailing this to her...

If I said i was really really busy..
well…
that would be close.
I haven’t been around much, but you have all been in my thoughts…
Saw some Mig clouds…
had a wonderful laugh with a man in a coffee shop in DC (Ron wanna be)
Heard some awesome tunes on the radio in MD..
stuck my feet in the surf and laughed with some gulls..
just enjoying spending time with the kids…
you’ll see me again…
but right now
life is sweet…
and time is precious…
so hug someone, and know that you are loved.

The teen is settling in , I think she is just so over whelmed at how slow and quiet it is here. ( although my peanut has a bad case of heroine worship!)
We went and bought her a couple books, she was very lost last night , we don’t have TV, and we just kinda hang out and talk a lot. So she is set for dark time tonight.
I have discovered another Mud Honey, as she was thrilled to play in the clay. Didn’t seem to mind being covered in it, just full of laughs and smiles!
She is out picking herself some green beans to make for her dinner.
The things kids find fun…
And on a very happy note I fired off a check today to COAR for there peace mission!( I will be keeping them as my Charity at the shop through the next quarter.)
A HUGE THANK YOU!!!
to everyone who came to the Labyrinth of life shop and bought things to help this cause, your kindness makes a world of difference in the life of a child!
Blessed Be
Sorrow

Maxine was a found in a truck stop in south-east Texas. She was 3 years old approximately and weighed 19 lbs., she had mange and heart worm. A profoundly caring man, and friend, rescued her and nursed her back to health. She was in a loving home with 3 other dogs ( all rescues) and was rocking in at over 60 pounds in a little more than 4 months.
She died today.
please spare a moment for her savior, who made her last few months good, and please
take an extra second, the one you might have used for a comment and go here
Animal Rescue
to provide care for a homeless pup.
Thanks…

~giggle~
okay, there is something about the word “Smorgasbord” that just makes me laugh. It’s a funny word to me…
From the dictionary Smorgasbord means:
1. a buffet meal of various hot and cold hors d’oeuvres, salads, casserole dishes, meats, cheeses, etc.
2. an extensive array or variety.

I am going for Number 2 here today.
I was recently given 2 ( can you believe it???) awards. See me doing little happy dance in my chair. The thing about awards is it’s a lot like getting a surprise package in the mail. I don’t think I did anything to deserve them, but There they are!

The first one was from the moonlit home of Goldenferi
and a thoughtful and loving gift it was. Thank you so much, It’s always a bit of moonshine to visit your world!

.
.
“Share this award with all those blogs out there that you love. All the people who make you smile. All those that make you laugh. All those that make your day. All those that leave uplifting comments on your blog.”
There are so many folks who do this, who brighten my day, make me smile and just feel as though they care, it is very hard not just to hand to all of you , so To all who come here, please take this award and place it on your desk top for a couple days, and know that here, at my space, you bring a whole lot of smiles! Then feel free to do with it as you will, pass it ,share it!
I am going to make sure a few folks however DO THIS! because I know that if I don’t actually hand this to them, they will do the whole shrinking violet thing and think “oh she doesn’t mean me..”
The rest of you I have complete faith in..
LOL
~chuckle~
~snort~
For the LOVE,
Chantal
Gypsy heart
Polar
MEL
Mig
For the LAUGHTER
RON
Nytebryd

Now the rest of you I trust will Take this and at least smile over it once or twice..
Right???

The second award I received was from Exmoorjane

Can you imagine my surprise? It’s a shiny award to be sure!

Now this award has a few rules that comes with it, so if you want to know all the rules , go check out Jane’s Blog , because I am a slow cut and paster, but the #1 rule said 1. You have to pick five blogs that you consider ‘deserving of this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and which contribute to the blogging community, no matter what language they are in’.
So, I taken a bit of wisdom from Jane’s words “This always worries me because the danger lies in an award just doing the rounds with one’s nearest and dearest blogging friends. So I have tried to venture a little further afield in the sure and certain knowledge that all deserving souls will eventually be handed it.”
That being said…
1. Coffee house studio, for it’s finding bits of news that make the web, and placing them in a special space , for his humor and generosity of spirit. ( and most of all is Friday morning spontaneous Apple creations… )
2. The stitching room,The cozy home of Mel, the little green monkey, who always brings me a laugh. A place filled with sewing wonders that have inspired me to spend more time making little snips of love, and photo’s of her world that look like postcards that scream “wish I was there!!”
3.Bimbimbie, whose blog reminds me of “where the wild things are”! I love going here because it’s like looking at the diary of a wildlife caretaker. There are the deep sighs of awe, at all the wonderful visitors to her world.
4. Sanity found, a recent add to my roll, that is part of my daily dose of sarcasm, world view, humor, and perspective check.
5. Diamonds in the sky with Lucy, I can not describe this blog very well,I sat here looking for the words, and couldn’t really find them. So I just suggest you take a peek.
I also received an email today, Brandi, over at Dandelion seeds was auctioning off some of her Beautiful art, and I was the lucky recipient of one of her photo’s! Now how cool is that? This one is a doorway, or should I say a door that is closed. I fell in love with the idea that Brandi was opening the door to possibilities for girls in other countries by providing them with an education! How incredible is that? I have a very special place in my home I intend to hang it, to remind myself to always be open to possibilities! Thank you so much Brandi!
Last on my plate of things is I want to share a very special place with you.
This may not be for everyone, it is the deep soul searching of a woman. It often feels as if I am reading someones very personal journal when I go there. Sometimes the way she writes brings tears to my eyes, and sometimes she hits a spot so deep inside, I ache.
So for the searchers please go here to Honor Yourself..
I have a young girl coming to stay with me for several weeks, she comes with a lot of pain, and heart ache. I have opened my home to her to be a place of rest, a place of play. I am putting my struggles up on the shelf for now. Her needs out weigh my own right now and I have committed myself to being present for her. So if I am not around commenting or posting much..that old plate of mine has a heavy load.
Be good to yourself…

His voice bellowed across the yard ” Soon as yer done get in the 39!”
So I ran up to the porch with the basket of eggs, set them on the barrel and ran for the old truck. It was a rusted monster, held together with barb wire, roofing tar, rope and who knows what, I sat carefully between the springs popping through the ancient seat. He hoisted himself behind the wheel, muttering and talking to himself, fired up the old Ford motor, and down the bumpy dirt road we went.
He spotted it in the road “Whoooweee! we are gonna eat good tonight! Your Aunts got the best recipe for turtle soup!”
I saw it then, enormous to my young eyes , just sitting in the dirt road. He slowed the truck down, scowled at me and said ” Stay in the damn truck! you hear?” and I nodded. He stopped the truck, a good distance from it, climbed out and leaned through the window , grabbed my ear and snarled “YOU HEAR???!”
With a grimace I replied “yes, yes!”
He reached in the bed of the truck and pulled out an apple picker, ( it’s a stick with 3 branches in the shape of a cup) and slowly started walking towards the turtle. When he got up to it, he started poking it with the apple stick. I watched amazed as the turtles head shot out whip fast and latched onto the stick. “Gotcha!” he chuckled, obviously pleased as he lifted it off the ground. Then snap! the turtle closed it’s jaws through the stick and landed Plunk on the ground. It wasted no time and started charging my Uncle, jaws snapping, head flashing about quickly, moving at what was to me an amazing speed at my Uncle ,who was doing some fancy foot work in a hasty retreat.
Finally he brought the stick back around, and started poking again, snip snip snip, off went pieces of the stick. Then with a face red from both anger and exertion my uncle flipped the turtle as hard as he could onto his back, and using what was left of his apple stick as a nine iron he smacked that turtle back into the cat tails.
In that moment I began my fascination with turtles. Until that moment turtles had been a dopey caricature from the children’s story “The tortoise and the Hare”. A creature that lopped along slowly with little intelligence or cunning. I now knew better!
Fast forward through the years, and you will see the turtles I have always stopped and nudged out of the roads, The baby turtles we watched on Sanibel make their way to the sea, and the turtles that have manifested themselves over the years in various forms of my art.
When Grace so graciously did a reading for me with her medicine cards, and told me that my animal totem was a turtle, it was a warm spot in my heart. I confess to not having done much in the way of research on Turtle totems, I was just happy to know that me and turtles go forward and backwards.
Like the turtle,lately I have pulled my head back into my shell and been snapping at anyone who has come to close. I have had some childhood trauma that has reared it’s ugly head into the forefront of my mind. Issues with my childhood family which has compounded my already beleaguered heart. If you have ever tried to move past the conditioning of childhood, you understand that for every 2 steps forward, there will always be one back. It is life’s dance with those who would grow.
I shall not burden you with the specifics, I am struggling.
Yesterday I went down to my Labyrinth to walk, to meditate.
She was there, a eastern box turtle, in my labyrinth. She was digging a hole, and as I watched she laid eggs in that hole, and then carefully covered them up.
Can you imagine my joy? Can you see me flush with the thrill of it? We have dogs and cats and all kinds of predators, so some kind of protection was needed. I poured through some reference books, and the nest is now safely covered.
BUT…
She laid her eggs in my Labyrinth, at the first turn, I am blocked from either entering or exiting. So I have a choice, I can, because of love stay out of my labyrinth until her babies hatch. A blockade that I allow.
OR
I can step lightly and carefully over the structure and continue to walk.
There are a great many obstacles in life, some we can choose to get around, some we can rationally and lovingly explain why we can not go around.
It’s choice.

Isn’t always…?

The strength of those who hold you up, who love you even when you are not lovable.
The unfailing gift of friendship which sustains you , even in the darkest of nights.
It’s not always sunshine, those terrifying thunder storms roll through, with high winds and flashes of lightening which reveal the horror of your own humanity.
There is no turning back.
There is only in
and through.

I have always loved, not only this song, but this video as well. There is something about being an Artist that makes you feel like you are always exposed, and you have to learn to be Okay with it if your going to survive.
May you know Gratitude for those who are there for you when you need them.
Today I am grateful for you.

The delightful and ever so thought provoking Enreal, has tagged me with a quote meme.
I am suppose to list my favorite quotes..
Now thats to funny..
I could fill pages and pages…
So I have been sitting here thinking about favorites…

“We can do no great things, only small things with great LOVE”
Mother Theresa of Calcutta
.
“Do, or Do not do, There is no try”
Yoda

.
“Be kind to unkind people, they need it the most”
Ashleigh Brilliant
.
“Play is the exultation of the possible”
Martin Buber
.
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”
Helen Keller
.
“That which oppresses me, is it my soul trying to come out into the open. or the world knocking at my heart for its entrance?”
Rabindranath Tragore
.
“Learn to be silent.
Let your quiet mind listen and absorb.”
Pythagorus
.
“The difference between a flower and a weed is a judgement.”
.
.
A few of my favorites..
I suppose I should tag some people,
so
If you want to do this consider yourself Tagged
If any of the following folks don’t want to do this..
consider yourself “untagged”
:O
Greenwoman

Goldenferri

Polar

Cate @Serindipity

Deb

Chantal

In honor of Brandi’s “Color your world Friday..”

So I am in the hardware store this morning, I am renting scaffolding, and there are the usual characters holding up the counter.
I hear the one guy who has to be 70, or more say ” That boys so unlucky, if he fell into a bucket of Tits he`d come out sucking his thumb.”
…
…….
I’m still laughing…
Now thats unlucky!