“You know what the cool thing about being an alien is Momma? They don’t have eyes! so they can get where ever they want just by the way the air feels….like this…”
Then she proceeds to bump into the furniture, trip over the dog, land on her bum and come up laughing.
“Do Aliens eat Ice cream? ” I ask.
“Only if they have vanilla with pink sprinkles, chocolate sauce and fresh blueberries” she sings…
“hmmmm think you need to have some ice cream…”
Then the 15 year old booms from some where up stairs “Can I have some too?”
“Only if your an Alien!” I holler back at him.
and then I laugh myself silly,because, of course, he is.
Today.
Thank you Fire Byrd…
How do I write this post?
I have been trying for days in my head.
nothing comes out right,
nothing says what I want it to.
It sounds like a stroke fest,
it sounds like dribble…
it doesn’t sound the way it was.
What to do when you can not find the words?
Maybe there aren’t any words.
Perhaps, when you are fortunate enough to have an experience which allows you to grow,
when you have a moment of connection that feels like magic,
Your not suppose to have the words.
Maybe your suppose to hold it in your heart, and treasure it for the magnificent gift it is.
Perhaps when I say “thank you”, she hears all the other meanings I can not find the words for.
I shall just have to trust
that she does.
What’s in the bowl…
I sit here trying to uncoil.
Trying to relax and breath through the pain, the sorrow.
After years of learning, what the difference is, and what the difference makes, I still have a hard time with acceptance.
“The courage to accept the things I can not change”
I always felt that it’s not courage, it’s more like Grace.
Courage has me doing what’s right in the face of fear, Grace has me in a place of love and understanding, doing what is on faith.
The teen is home.
I struggle to find the words to express the gifts she brought with her visit.
I listened to her with out judgement,
I made no attempts to counsel,
I answered only those questions put to me.
I cried a lot.
Mine is a marshmallow heart, especially where kids are concerned.
We did some really fun stuff, and I know she loved every minute of it.
Things I take for granted in my day to day living, were so new , so fascinating to her.
She made it fun for my kids too.
The look on her face when she caught her first fish! ( a 14 inch Bass)
Her biting into a honey comb fresh from the hive.
Her streaking up the beach to dance from foot to foot ” I dug a hole and something crawled in it!” a quick reassuring smile and back down to the waters edge.
Teaching her the names of the herbs in my garden, and having her pick the ones that went into my spaghetti sauce. ( the peanut explaining how much of each tastes best)
It was a sweet time, and I am so very glad she came.
On the last day I offered her anything she wanted from my shelves of finished pottery. I told her it didn’t matter if it had a price tag, it didn’t matter what it was, I simply wanted her to take something for herself that she would like. ( I knew most of the things she had made would go to her family she is one of 5 and has a step on both sides. She also possess a very giving heart)
She had a little pile going while trying to decide, when she found a pendant that had a small bowl on the end of it.
“What’s this?” she asked.
So I explained to her , how several years ago I was fortunate to meet some Tibetan monks who were traveling and making Mandalas. I got into some really wonderful conversations with one of them. Then later I read a book that spoke of how these monks would go into the street with a bowl, a begging bowl. They would take whatever was put into their bowl and make dinner out of it. I was inspired to make these tiny bowls on cords as a reminder that every day life puts something in your bowl, and what ever that something is, it’s up to you to use it to nourish your mind, your body or your spirit.
She poked around a little more and then slowly everything started making it’s way back on the shelf, with the exception of that pendant.
She said ” This is what I want, because this is you. You do this, you make the best of everything. When we got lost in the city, you stopped for Ice cream and directions and had a blast laughing with that man. When I asked to go see the birthplace of Harriet Tubbman and it was just a sign in the middle of no where , you laughed and took my picture in front of the corn fields.”
I nodded smiled and said” I hope you enjoy it”,
…then I promptly went up to the bathroom and cried like a baby.
Here I am seeing myself through this kids eyes, and it’s humbling.
Then I get the call, she is home. I hear how all the lovingly made gifts where totally trashed. That they weren’t “enough”, and she feels guilty for not doing enough, or thinking about what some one else might want. So she gave away the pendant, to make a false amend.
I breath slowly through her hurt, and wonder will she make it? Will she grow up to repeat the cycle of ” not worthy enough”? Then I let it it go, because it’s not mine to own.
She gave me my gifts, they were love, laughter and a wonderful set of memories to pull out and laugh with my kids about in the years to come. Those gifts I keep in my bowl.
I am mailing this to her...
Busy…but SWEET!
If I said i was really really busy..
well…
that would be close.
I haven’t been around much, but you have all been in my thoughts…
Saw some Mig clouds…
had a wonderful laugh with a man in a coffee shop in DC (Ron wanna be)
Heard some awesome tunes on the radio in MD..
stuck my feet in the surf and laughed with some gulls..
just enjoying spending time with the kids…
you’ll see me again…
but right now
life is sweet…
and time is precious…
so hug someone, and know that you are loved.
Mud honeys & Love
The teen is settling in , I think she is just so over whelmed at how slow and quiet it is here. ( although my peanut has a bad case of heroine worship!)
We went and bought her a couple books, she was very lost last night , we don’t have TV, and we just kinda hang out and talk a lot. So she is set for dark time tonight.
I have discovered another Mud Honey, as she was thrilled to play in the clay. Didn’t seem to mind being covered in it, just full of laughs and smiles!
She is out picking herself some green beans to make for her dinner.
The things kids find fun…
And on a very happy note I fired off a check today to COAR for there peace mission!( I will be keeping them as my Charity at the shop through the next quarter.)
A HUGE THANK YOU!!!
to everyone who came to the Labyrinth of life shop and bought things to help this cause, your kindness makes a world of difference in the life of a child!
Blessed Be
Sorrow
