Kamp Huuwanahokalugee

I am often in wonder at the plethora of company that comes to visit my little shack in the woods.

My Beloved came for another visit. How blessed am I? She has been here twice this year already, no small trip for her!
She is the best kind of company, the kind that doesn’t need to be shown about, taken here or there, doesn’t have to go out to dinner every night, loves my strange ethnic cooking , doesn’t need me to do her laundry or clean up after her as if I was the maid. She is most content to sit on the rocking chair and listen to the birds, bees and wind in the trees. She is capable of wandering in the woods or through the labyrinth with out my consent or company.
She likes to watch me throw pottery, and adds her insights and recommendations to form and function and laughs at my sarcasm when it comes to “dull and boring”.
She even condescended to trying her hands in the mud, and with warmth and chortles tells me ‘dirty’ is so NOT her thing.
The glass however did catch her caprice, and she made a most beautiful piece! She was fearless in the face of all those sharp edges and strange tools! It was a delight to see the sun catching her masterpiece in my kitchen window until she left with it.
Being partial custodian to a nature preserve near by, she, with our entourage in tow, was a wonderful sport as we walked along picking up litter and making notations of where the beavers had made the trails impassable. I was quick to learn, however, that when I started waxing verbose on the differences between Solomon seal and Jacob’s ladder, it was with a wasted breath. She gets the same look in her eyes that the kids do when I am trying to explain the origins, medicinal and other intrinsic values of the local flora and dendrology. ( envision glazed over eye rolling)
It was late one evening when we were sitting at a roaring bonfire that the epiphany was shared.
She has explained that my home is like summer camp.
There are the crafts…
The nature walks…
The canoe trips…
The bonfires…
The feeling of being away from civilization…
The good company of friends and the general relaxation.
So we have officially named this home
KAMP HUUWANAHOKALUGEE
I personally think it’s a great name, I am working on the logo, I think it should be three monkeys..or maybe three turtles…
So, the reason I have so much company is because my home is really a summer camp in disguise! Who would have thought!
(certainly not my kids! )

Little seeds and Reduce…

Green woman tagged me for a meme about what I do to reduce the amount of chemicals in my house.
At first I was very daunted by this, so I went through my house and looked at the “chemicals” I have. It surprised me to find that, other than dishwashing detergent, orange power (hand cleaner for after car work), oxy clean,and laundry detergent, I don’t have a lot of chemicals in the house. Now the studio, thats a whole different kettle of fish. Don’t know to many folks who have lithium carb, manganese dioxide or silica on hand! So We will leave the chemist out of the equation.
I live on well and septic, so I can not use bleach or ammonia, soapy water cleans the floor (when I get to it!)
I am a vigilant advocate for composting, so thats what goes in my gardens, although the 15 year old would love to participate in Green woman’s nitrogen program! ( it’s under consideration.)
I make my own soap, and have for years, since the chemicals and perfumes in store soap either give me a horrible rash or dry my skin out terribly.
I use both vinegar and lemon juice to wash windows, and baking soda will clean a toilet great, and if you add salt and washing soda to the mix it gives it a heck of a shine!
The other thing that I like to do is to grow Pyrethrum,it’s a member of the daisy family. It is also a Very very good bug repellant. If you have small or very young children however, they can not pick or eat these, because they are very toxic. The pesticides people still make a derivative from these plants to spray on home foundations to keep out spiders,ants, roaches and a host of other bugs!
I think the most important thing is to avoid “anti bacterial ” products, these items kill both good germs and bad germs, and how does that help anyone?
Check out this link HERE for some simple solutions to help you reduce your chemical impact.
Thanks green woman for the poke through my cabinets!
and if anyone else wants to participate, please feel free to share your “Green” tips!
and happy Earth day, every day!

April 13th 2006

My Yaya died on this day 2 years ago. In a great many ways it doesn’t feel like 2 years, and in a some respects it feels like a lifetime ago.
Her passing, and the process involved in not only her going, but letting go was and continues to be a part of who I am becoming.
She was/is an integral part of me. I would think that for a great many people the connections and vested emotional ties to those we love create long lasting life altering experiences. I am the sum of the bits and pieces of people I have loved.
When she went back int the hospital because the cancer had spread to her Liver, I put my kids in thier fathers care and went across the US to be with her. I became mother to the woman who was my grandmother. My final weeks with her I had many moments of self doubt, wondering if I was strong enough. Strong enough to help her go, strong enough to let her go. What I found out about myself was amazing…
I share this excerpt from the journal I kept while taking care of her.
“I am astonished to find that I am a care giver. I don’t think I have ever realized that I had this capacity with in myself. Not so much in a sense with Yaya, for that is not so very different from the love and care I give my children at this point. But instead the care I give to my parents, brother, aunts and uncle. My presence here provides a relief and a pressure valve for them. My confidence, directness,and ever constant calmness bring them back from the edge of high stress and anxiety. Who would have thought that the willful, strong willed and mischievous child that cavorted in these halls would grow into someone capable? Not I! I am strong enough…”
*
I am in a deep melancholy today, lost to introspection. On the risk of sounding insane, I have always felt that I live my life in the present, the past and the future simultaneously. Today I am there, holding Yaya’s hand, telling her that I love her, telling her it’s okay to go, because she will never leave me.

April 12 2008-2006

My face is pressed against the cool glass. I stare unseeing into the rain outside my window. My eyes are wet with unfallen tears, and in this moment I am here
and there.
I sit in the ER, holding my daughter on my lap, she is sobbing moaning and every few minutes throwing up. They have done a CAT scan, they have given her morphine (?) and have hooked her up to an IV that keeps her fluid levels up since she has been vomiting for hours.
I am mesmerized by the sounds of the Hospital.
I go back in my mind, She looks so small and frail on the hospital bed. Her hands all gnarled with age and arthritis. She moans in her sleep and I reach out and take her hand..” I am here Yaya…Shhhh it’s okay…” She lifts her unseeing eyes and whispers “water?” I hold the straw to her lips and push the grey hair that has fallen across her face.
“Momma?”
I am pulled back, ” yes sweetie?”
” Am I going to die?” my little angel asks me. She grabs my hand so small and soft in mine ” I don’t like hospitals, my head hurts and I want to go home.” she begins to cry again.
” I know peanut, but they have to make sure your brain is okay, it’s okay, I am here” I push her long chestnut hair away from her cherubic face. I wince at the black purple bruise that runs from her forehead down her cheek, the nasty strawberry abrasion that covers it. I wonder in my head if every lesson must be learned the hard way, how many times have I fussed at her to wear her helmet? Sigh….
Her IV makes that clicking sound, and the heart monitor beeps again.
I fade in..
“She wants to go home.” I tell the doctor for the hundredth time it feels. ” She does not want to die here in your hospital, you have told me the cancer is in her Liver..please let me take her home.” They know there is nothing more they can do for her, and yet when she wakes up, he tells her that she should go home and rest for a few days and come back to start her Chemo. She reaches up and tugs at the port that they have put in her body. She nods.
” You will take me home?” She asks, as if I had not come across the country to be with her. ” of course” I smile a smile I know she can not see. “We need to get all these buzzers bells and tweets off of you first.”
we wait, for them to remove IV’s and catheters and monitors and…
click click
” I am gonna throw up momma” I lunge for the basin, and hold her while she gags and spits a tablespoon into the bowl. She leans back ” I’m tired Momma, can’t I go to sleep?”her eyes so dark behind the bruising.
My mind skitters around…I am in a hospital, but are you suppose to let head trauma sleep? I think it’s dangerous, but it’s 1 AM and this child is always asleep by 9, I inhale slowly….” let me ask a nurse.” I tell her.
I de-tangle myself from her embrace and step out from behind the curtains..” excuse me?”
“excuse me?”
“um…hello? excuse me?”
I feel my stress and frustration war inside of me..” nurse?” I finally get ones attention
” can she sleep?, she is so tired…I..” I break off
she marches in looks at charts and monitors, turns back to me ” yes..let her her rest, we can monitor her as well…”
I kiss the top of her head..” sleep peanut, I am right here” she grabs my hand in a vice grip and stretches out. With in minutes she is asleep as her grip relaxes in mine.
I gaze at the wall, the kitchen in my new house was that color of green, it took me a month to realize it was hospital green, which is why my lovely kitchen made my chest so tight.
I hate hospitals, I think it takes an incredible amount of energy to work in one.
I am lifting her into a wheel chair, I cover her lap with a quilt,” Comfortable Yaya?” She nods. I roll her to the picture window in the dining room. Her world has been a Monet painting for the last several years, but the daffodils and tulips are in bloom, the birds are singing and I know spring is her favorite season.She sits in front of the window, and then rests her head on the cool glass.