The Devils gifts…
dev·il :3.a person who is very clever, energetic, reckless, or mischievous.
Ten years ago I met the Devil, he was reading a book outside in the warm New Mexico sun. The ruins of a Mogollon pueblo were a silent back drop to this fascinating man. When I caught site of the book he was reading, I began to converse with him. It was an awesome exchange, full of really good questions and incomparable answers. I was enthralled by this mans wisdom and insights. Before parting I asked him for a list of book recommendations. Things that would reflect our conversation, and the journey I was on.
He obliged me and I have that list of books somewhere still in this house, written in his hand. Every time we move I come across it, and look at it.
Yes, I have read every book on that simple list….and more. I would read one, and find bibliographies in the back and hunt out those books. Some writers were so good I devoured everything they had written. I believe it took me about a year to find and read all the books on that list.
When I was done, my whole world shifted. It changed me in ways that even to this day I am affected by.
I lost my religion. I lost my faith. I went deep into the darkest part of my heart and soul, and saw the stains and fissures left by knowledge, truth and understanding.
I could give this list to a thousand people, but if you were not in the place I was , in the mind and soul of who I was then, I don’t think it would have the same impact.
For me, that man was the devil, because he took away my blinders, my rose colored glasses, and left me with the ability to see, to see from a perspective that I had never known.
I laugh now when I speak of my meeting with the Devil, but once not so long ago it was the single most painful revelation of my life.
Imagine a knowing, that changes nothing and everything.
Imagine if the view from your window one day was so completely different that you couldn’t believe it was the same view, that your mind and your eyes began a quarrel that neither could win.
I finally stopped asking why, and have accepted it as one of life’s lessons. A tool , a piece, a gift, a curse, a part of who I am now that can not be undone.
Be aware that what you seek, you may find.
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OMG….
The hair on the back of my neck was bristling as I read your post. So many things can change in a that last simple moment just before realization. Everything is possible.
Powerful Post, Sis.
BB
I found your blog via thru the ‘thru my lens lightly blog and I must say I found this post so intruiging, and yet so…well scary too in a way!! I wonder if we all have the potential to meet a person like that who if we heed the signs will change the nature of our lives. You dont say if the change in your life was for the better? any regrets on meeting this man?
Brother~conversations over the past week have brought this moment out again, and I felt like it was waiting to be shared. So many times we go looking for answers, and if we are really and truly seeking them, we will find them. BUT what happens after? What do you do with a truth that can only be yours? With an understanding that no matter what, very few will ever understand where you are, and no one will ever accept.I honestly had a hard time writing this, and I am profoundly glad you got something out of it.
Krissie~ You chose an interesting post to come for a visit, but anyway welcome. Yes, I honestly feel that we all have the potential to meet people who can impact us in ways that are forever and far reaching. No, I don’t say if it was for the better, because How to you express the pain, the fear, the complete lose of self in a way that says ‘ I found what I went looking for, but it was more and I wasn’t prepared for how much more’. I don’t mean to sound so nebulous, it’s just one of those life moments that you struggle to find words that can adequately convey the depth and breadth of the experience, and mostly you feel lost to so. I have no regrets for anything I have ever done. I accept that I did them and they have made me who I am. Sometimes I look at this and wonder who I would be if I hadn’t gone down that road, but, no, no regrets.
Sorrow~
You explained this so incredibly clear…BRAVO!
“I went deep into the darkest part of my heart and soul, and saw the stains and fissures left by knowledge, truth and understanding”
“Imagine a knowing that changes nothing and everything”
That’s it.
I can say no more….
Thank you, dear lady
SAD, SCARY, POWERFUL, WONDERFUL, LIFE-CHANGING ALL AT ONCE….
A transformation… and done through books…
It seems worth it…that knowing…
some of what I have sought - and found - has had its own rewards in spite of the price I paid to get there. I was richer nonetheless…
VERY interesting post, Sorrow…
Ron~ It makes the struggle to write worthwhile when someone comes away with something they can connect to! Thanks for the positive today! (((hug)))
Loving Annie~ A heartfelt Thank you, I am so rewarded by the struggles! Blessed Be!
Bonjour Sorrow,
A great text, you can be more than satisfied having made this. I especially appreciate the last sentence “Be aware what you seek…………”.
Yes, true indeed.
Georg
Namaste, Sorrow!
What you have described here so powerfully is so like my own journey, although I didn’t have a wonderful Devil to point the way.
There’s something both estatically freeing and OMG terrifying about the Truth. I, too, lost my religion - and my old world view. In those losses, a number of other losses were created, by shear domino effect. The last couple of years have been all about redefining my world view - my personal sacred connection - in the context of this new Light. It’s been one of the most thrilling adventures (at times, very lonely, too) of my life so far.
As I keep moving forward, I find that my experience has me keeping a very light grasp on “beliefs” of any kind. For all I know, as soon as I think I ‘know’ something - the Devil will reappear, and rock my world again!
Grace~ good to see you back from your rest. I tend to think I am hard headed and need a swift kick to get me going in the right direction, but once I get going it’s a rolling stone. I have been my own devil a time or two, but someone much wiser than I said ” it’s the journey, not the destination…and I believe that whole heartedly! peace! and good journey to you!
It only took one book for me and no devil to recommend it, I suppose that makes me my own personal devil…one book that swept the ground out from under me and made me cry each and every day…I realized though it wasn’t truth or even a truth that broke my heart, it was the despair this author carted about like dragon eggs that only held pantyhose instead of miracles. I conciously chose to define truth for myself, ignoring another human’s Saran wrapped ready for the table version of the truth. I’m a big fan of Obi Wan and the idea that truth is about perspective.
Ben (Obi-Wan) Kenobi: Luke, you’re going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.
Have a weekend worth smiling about. *hugs*
Miss H~ big teary smile, Perspective use it or lose it.I guess I was a slow learner, it took me many words , and then a moment to settle back and realize the import of all those ingested words. I guess we all get there eventually, and when we do, there is no going back.
Georg~ Thank you for the visit, and the praise. It was a difficult piece to find the right words. I am glad you found something to take with you!
Walk easy
I think the Devil must have been there at the time of my birth.. cause I have been seeking since then..have I found ‘it’… I guess I have
perhaps wisdoms kiss upon your brow was both an angel and a devil, and it’s to you to choose! bright blessings!
Some people would say this is the affect Jesus had on those whose lives he touched. His view point changed his world and his followers too. Some thought him so dangerous they killed him. It’s the boat rockers that trouble us until one day we find that we were already overboard anyway. Blessings, SR. K
Kathryn~If I have learned one lesson in this life, it is that wisdom comes in all manner, from the pan handlers in Tel Aviv to the Mormons who knock at my door, If I am listening and paying attention, I’m usually in the sea! trying to tread water.lol!
Thank you for your visit and your insight! Blessings to you…
Fascinating post and a remarkable use of language. When our paradigm shifts it sometimes feels like an earthquake.
Looking glass~I am glad you stopped in and found something. I have had many shifts in my life, sometimes I have been aware of them and other times they have passed like a quick moving cloud over the sun. This one was exactly like an earthquake. lovely analogy.
I have traveled a lot, in many ways, at one point ( 12,ooo miles ) and back again…and I have met a few people like the one you talk of..
What a mystical and wonedrful deep post, I dont find it scarey at all…I wish you had mentioned some of the books!
I am realising, having just turned the grand old age of 47 on Tuesday, that I have- with all the searching- taught myself what they were showing me I could be, and indeed am. I love being the outsider. I wonder if I am in anyway linking to what you talk of, all I know is I could see it in my minds eye as you described it, and the past year as I looked out on the landscape here, I realised the same things as well. Starting to ramble now , perhaps its something for my next post, its like trying to catch a butterfly trying to describe this stuff. Thank you for this gift of insight, beautifully inscribed.
Mermaid~For me the fear came after, in a tidal wave of understanding that ripped through my ideologies and faith. I think when you travel the globe, it makes your connection to the story stronger, don’t you think?
YES yes and yes, I don’t catch many butterflies unless I am sitting still…LOL!
Isn’t it profound how much we learn by simply stepping one step away from all we’ve been taught is good and right? Perhaps it is wrong of me, but I giggle every time a conversation arises and someone is speaking from the “rose colored glasses” view as you so aptly put it. I think the truth is out there for everyone, but some people are weak and cannot handle the truth. Well said Jack Nicholson! LOL Hugs to you Sorrow for your bravery in making this post!