It is an oddity for me to post on the weekend. I am usually incredibly wiped out from doing a show and want to just be a vegetable on the sofa with a glass of wine, some groovy tunes and a little firelight.
Today is different in that I didn’t do a show, I taught . I do not teach often, not because I don’t enjoy it, I really do. I love the exchange, I love watching the creative process unfold for people, when I teach it is more than just imparting my accumulated knowledge. For me it is giving people the ability to express through different art mediums, that which is within them. A kind of unfolding if you will.
I have a couple rules in class that do not pertain to art at all, one is that we can chat about anything but TV shows. Movies are fine, plays are fine, kids, jobs, parents, life all fodder for discourse. I have removed TV from the menu for two reasons. One I don’t have one, thus I am exempt from conversations. Two, they do not provide much in the way of conversation stimulus. ( did you see this show? oh yes I loved that part, did you see this part! oh my god wasn’t that funny when…is akin to gossiping about non-real people and it weirds me out.)
The second rule is that opinion is not grounds for offense. Everyone has an opinion about something, and if you disagree, fine. BUT no opinion is the RIGHT opinion. I usually get some eye rolling when I state this at the beginning of class, but when we hit this, as we invariably do, I have an open door to say ” Opinion! offense free zone!” and everyone just laughs and unclenches a little. If it gets to intense I whip out the old ” You know why opinions are like assholes right? ” and that clears the air.
Today however I hit a really different one, which is why I am sitting at this machine writing. I am verbalizing an experience that I want to be able to come back to in a couple days and look at again, and I want to see what other folks opinions are on it. So please I would really love some feedback on this one!
Student A, we will call her Jane, is in her late 40’s. ( a guess) She has a grown daughter who is married with two small children , 6 months and 3 years approximately. ( I never understood the whole 29 months thing)
Last spring Jane’s son in law was offered a promotion with the company he works for. The downside was he would have to move out of state and be about 9 hours from his family. The company was willing to pick up the moving tab, and it was a sufficient raise. Jane’s daughter does not work so that was not a problem. He opted not to take the job. This past Monday the company announced that the local office he works at is going to be closed and the employee’s will be out of work as of FEB 1. Seems that this particular office doesn’t support it’s self, so it’s gone. Jane’s son in law is pissed, Jane is pissed. The market for the type of job he does is very tiny around here, so his hopes for another job close to home are slim pickings. Jane spent a good 20 minutes bashing this company and wanting to know why the hell they didn’t tell him this in the spring?
It was at this point I said” Look, that’s life. Things are put in front of you from time to time. You make a decision, and you go with it. If it doesn’t work out, you suck it up and make the best of it. It’s nobodies fault, it’s not the companies, he had his chance and he chose to stay by his family knowing that if things didn’t work out, his job market was tiny.”
Jane said ” Well that was cold. Don’t you have any compassion for (x)? Do you treat your own kids with that much disdain?”
I was quiet for a couple minutes and then I said ” When my kids make a decision, based on whatever and it falls to pot, I let them vent, I sure has hell don’t let them throw blame. When your young , you have to learn A+B=C. Momma sure as hell can’t tell you that, you’ve got to learn it first hand. That’s life. What does blaming his company serve? The next time an opportunity comes his way, he will take more time, weigh all the options and not make a instant choice based completely on his comfort. I don’t think of it as being cold, but I thank you for being so forthright with me in giving your opinion.”
She sat for a couple minutes and everyone was kind of thoughtful when she looked at me eyes blazing with anger and said ” Did you just infer that I was cold in MY comment?”
” Nope, ” I said, ” I just respect someone who speaks their mind. You said you thought my comment was cold, and I appreciated your candor.”
She was pretty hot about this for most of the class, it was very evident in her creations and her lack of connectedness with what she was doing. The rest of the class went well and we had a lot of fun.
When the class was over she came up to me and said ” I respected your rules for this class, but I want you to know your opinion is Wrong! and I won’t be taking this class again”
I nodded ” Thank you, you gave me a lot this class and I am sorry that you won’t be taking another one. I really enjoyed having you, and I hope that everything works out for your daughter and her husband.”
She muttered ” Hypocrite” under her breath and left.
I don’t think I am a Hypocrite, and I sincerely Do wish her family well. Do you know what an honor it was to have her respect my wishes? Do you understand that by not entering into a battle of who is right that she allowed the other students a stress free environment in which to play? How awesome is that?
Now maybe I am off in my beliefs about her son in law. It’s just that in my own personal life experience, I haven’t always made the right choices, I haven’t always been given an easy way. I have had to do some serious shit detail, I have had to shut up and put up with a lot, because thats the hand I got dealt. I vented, don’t think I didn’t! I just never saw a purpose in placing someone, anyone, anything responsible for the results of my choices. Maybe I am wrong, maybe I shouldn’t take the hit and carry on. The only person I hold accountable is me.
Anyway, what a day!
Choices, Accountability, Creativity and Blame
