Small things with great Love

I have been so blessed in recent years, and so grateful for the place and the peace that I have found.
It is no small thing to recognize where you are at in the great scheme of things. To learn life’s lessons are not always about win or lose, due or die. To learn that you do what you can from where you are, right now.
It has been a miracle to me, to see what the difference is and what the difference makes. To use my perceptions to focus on manifesting the good and the changes I want to see in this world. To learn to love with out attachments, to except that I am living my life for me, and if I give it my best, then it is THE BEST!
The Labyrinth of life shop has brought me such a sense of connectedness. I have even taken to trying to sell other pieces of my art locally to raise money for charities, if my bills are met, and food is on the table, I am profoundly better off than others! Even on days when this is no small feat, I still have the love of friends and family which sustains me.
I received an email from a good friend I have known for over 20 years asking for a donation to a dear and meaningful charity in her life. Her mother has been an active participant since it’s inception, and recently they have had a run of needs.
COAR ( which you can visit their site by clicking on the name) has been helping kids since the 1980’s, and recent bad weather has destroyed some roofs and buildings.
So I have added more items to my shop and at the end of June I will be sending a check to them to help with the restoration. If you have the funds please consider helping, if you don’t, please consider emailing information to folks who might be able to help. We have the tool of communication at our finger tips, if we can use it to make a difference in one child’s life, shouldn’t we at least try?
Thank you so much..
We can do no GREAT things only small things with Great LOVE.
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The Butterfly Effect:
The phrase refers to the idea that a butterfly’s wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that may ultimately alter the path of a tornado or delay, accelerate or even prevent the ocurrence of a tornado in a certain location. The flapping wing represents a small change in the initial condition of the system, which causes a chain of events leading to large-scale alterations of events. Had the butterfly not flapped its wings, the trajectory of the system might have been vastly different. Of course the butterfly cannot literally cause a tornado (this however seems to be a common misinterpretation of the butterfly effect by laypersons). The kinetic energy in a tornado is enormously larger than the energy in the turbulence of a butterfly. The kinetic energy of a tornado is ultimately provided by the sun and the butterfly can only influence certain details of weather events in an uncontrollable, chaotic manner, but e.g. not the general ability of the atmosphere to form tornadoes.

Worth a laugh

My son is 15, he is 170 lbs and 6′3″. He is a well mannered , mostly well behaved kid. He follows the house rules, and has had no disciplinary actions at school all year. Don’t get me wrong, he has moments, when he is a moody hormone ridden adolescent that make me want to pull my hair out, however for 90% of the time he is a great kid.
Today was teachers conferences, so he and I went to meet with his teachers as he has been failing Spanish all year.
Mr. Spanish teacher was a middle aged man on the portly side who was pleasant and helpful. Seems my bright baby boy does NONE of his home work. Homework is a third of his grade, and quizzes,are another third and are taken straight from the homework notebook …( can you see where this is going? ) and test make up the last 3rd. So junior gets A’s on the tests and F’s on everything else.
~groan~
So guess who gets to be the homework police? Joy ~ Rapture
Then we go meet ALL the other teachers…
History is a adorable 20 something brunette who looks eerily like his last girlfriend, he’s getting A’s in History.
Math is a Drop dead gorgeous 20-something brunette, he is getting B’s in Algebra.
English is a Barbie doll blonde , who might be 5 foot tall. She is really pretty and perky in that cheerleader kind of way. He’s getting an A in English.
SO…
Some one needs to explain to me HOW he is only screwing up with the portly spanish teacher? I mean really, Hormones should be frying his brain with the other three!? right? or am I missing something completely here?
I didn’t get to meet the science teacher as she has just left for Maternity leave, but with out a doubt she probably as beautiful as the other 3 I met.
We didn’t have gorgeous teachers when I was growing up, they were all matrons or really obese spinsters.
Color me confused…

Confessions of a friend

I have this deep dark confession to make.
Okay maybe it’s not that dark or deep, but it’s one of those things that when I tell people, they look at me like I have lost a nut~or a brain cell .
I hate weddings.
Yep.
Loathe and despise them. Now I know that it’s odd for a woman who made her living for years taking wedding pictures to confess to this, but in actuality it was taking photo’s that brought me to this place.
Marriage to me, is an important Life altering process. Like choosing to have children, it’s not something to be entered into lightly. It is a HUGE step, even if you have lived with someone for years, there is something on a deeper level about the commitment and the ties that become more visible with your signature on this contract.
Wether you make this union binding through a civil ceremony or a religious one, it is something profound and has meaning and value. You can ascribe your own definitions to this, but it is there.
So why do I hate weddings?
Marriage is a between two people. It is about them, their lives, their future , their choices, but weddings seldom are.
Weddings are family dynamics, other peoples influences, wants needs and desires which get cast onto the couple.
Does this make sense?
My good friend whose wedding I am struggling with has been married once before, she has 3 kids from a previous marriage and has 1 child with the man she has lived with for 5 years.
This should be a piece of cake…right?
Nope.
MIL wants this..FIL wants That, Mama wants this, grandma won’t come unless this, One child feels left out, one child wants to be left out…
I am sitting watching in horror as the events begin to stack up and stress out two people who started off with something simple and sweet, and now have a monkey on their back that has appeared because they want everyone to be happy. This is their day, and everyone else is pissing in it, so that it will conform to there well meaning intentions.
I have a crying bride to be, who keeps changing her wedding dress as her stress levels go off the Richter scale.
Do you know what I say?
Nothing
nada
zip.
I put on tunes and cut my hands with scissors trying to cut out patterns, I hug her profusely, and I listen.
Because I hate weddings, and what they do to couples.
So this is what’s playing in the background tonight as I finish up the first dress..

Kamp Huuwanahokalugee

I am often in wonder at the plethora of company that comes to visit my little shack in the woods.

My Beloved came for another visit. How blessed am I? She has been here twice this year already, no small trip for her!
She is the best kind of company, the kind that doesn’t need to be shown about, taken here or there, doesn’t have to go out to dinner every night, loves my strange ethnic cooking , doesn’t need me to do her laundry or clean up after her as if I was the maid. She is most content to sit on the rocking chair and listen to the birds, bees and wind in the trees. She is capable of wandering in the woods or through the labyrinth with out my consent or company.
She likes to watch me throw pottery, and adds her insights and recommendations to form and function and laughs at my sarcasm when it comes to “dull and boring”.
She even condescended to trying her hands in the mud, and with warmth and chortles tells me ‘dirty’ is so NOT her thing.
The glass however did catch her caprice, and she made a most beautiful piece! She was fearless in the face of all those sharp edges and strange tools! It was a delight to see the sun catching her masterpiece in my kitchen window until she left with it.
Being partial custodian to a nature preserve near by, she, with our entourage in tow, was a wonderful sport as we walked along picking up litter and making notations of where the beavers had made the trails impassable. I was quick to learn, however, that when I started waxing verbose on the differences between Solomon seal and Jacob’s ladder, it was with a wasted breath. She gets the same look in her eyes that the kids do when I am trying to explain the origins, medicinal and other intrinsic values of the local flora and dendrology. ( envision glazed over eye rolling)
It was late one evening when we were sitting at a roaring bonfire that the epiphany was shared.
She has explained that my home is like summer camp.
There are the crafts…
The nature walks…
The canoe trips…
The bonfires…
The feeling of being away from civilization…
The good company of friends and the general relaxation.
So we have officially named this home
KAMP HUUWANAHOKALUGEE
I personally think it’s a great name, I am working on the logo, I think it should be three monkeys..or maybe three turtles…
So, the reason I have so much company is because my home is really a summer camp in disguise! Who would have thought!
(certainly not my kids! )

Little seeds and Reduce…

Green woman tagged me for a meme about what I do to reduce the amount of chemicals in my house.
At first I was very daunted by this, so I went through my house and looked at the “chemicals” I have. It surprised me to find that, other than dishwashing detergent, orange power (hand cleaner for after car work), oxy clean,and laundry detergent, I don’t have a lot of chemicals in the house. Now the studio, thats a whole different kettle of fish. Don’t know to many folks who have lithium carb, manganese dioxide or silica on hand! So We will leave the chemist out of the equation.
I live on well and septic, so I can not use bleach or ammonia, soapy water cleans the floor (when I get to it!)
I am a vigilant advocate for composting, so thats what goes in my gardens, although the 15 year old would love to participate in Green woman’s nitrogen program! ( it’s under consideration.)
I make my own soap, and have for years, since the chemicals and perfumes in store soap either give me a horrible rash or dry my skin out terribly.
I use both vinegar and lemon juice to wash windows, and baking soda will clean a toilet great, and if you add salt and washing soda to the mix it gives it a heck of a shine!
The other thing that I like to do is to grow Pyrethrum,it’s a member of the daisy family. It is also a Very very good bug repellant. If you have small or very young children however, they can not pick or eat these, because they are very toxic. The pesticides people still make a derivative from these plants to spray on home foundations to keep out spiders,ants, roaches and a host of other bugs!
I think the most important thing is to avoid “anti bacterial ” products, these items kill both good germs and bad germs, and how does that help anyone?
Check out this link HERE for some simple solutions to help you reduce your chemical impact.
Thanks green woman for the poke through my cabinets!
and if anyone else wants to participate, please feel free to share your “Green” tips!
and happy Earth day, every day!

April 13th 2006

My Yaya died on this day 2 years ago. In a great many ways it doesn’t feel like 2 years, and in a some respects it feels like a lifetime ago.
Her passing, and the process involved in not only her going, but letting go was and continues to be a part of who I am becoming.
She was/is an integral part of me. I would think that for a great many people the connections and vested emotional ties to those we love create long lasting life altering experiences. I am the sum of the bits and pieces of people I have loved.
When she went back int the hospital because the cancer had spread to her Liver, I put my kids in thier fathers care and went across the US to be with her. I became mother to the woman who was my grandmother. My final weeks with her I had many moments of self doubt, wondering if I was strong enough. Strong enough to help her go, strong enough to let her go. What I found out about myself was amazing…
I share this excerpt from the journal I kept while taking care of her.
“I am astonished to find that I am a care giver. I don’t think I have ever realized that I had this capacity with in myself. Not so much in a sense with Yaya, for that is not so very different from the love and care I give my children at this point. But instead the care I give to my parents, brother, aunts and uncle. My presence here provides a relief and a pressure valve for them. My confidence, directness,and ever constant calmness bring them back from the edge of high stress and anxiety. Who would have thought that the willful, strong willed and mischievous child that cavorted in these halls would grow into someone capable? Not I! I am strong enough…”
*
I am in a deep melancholy today, lost to introspection. On the risk of sounding insane, I have always felt that I live my life in the present, the past and the future simultaneously. Today I am there, holding Yaya’s hand, telling her that I love her, telling her it’s okay to go, because she will never leave me.

April 12 2008-2006

My face is pressed against the cool glass. I stare unseeing into the rain outside my window. My eyes are wet with unfallen tears, and in this moment I am here
and there.
I sit in the ER, holding my daughter on my lap, she is sobbing moaning and every few minutes throwing up. They have done a CAT scan, they have given her morphine (?) and have hooked her up to an IV that keeps her fluid levels up since she has been vomiting for hours.
I am mesmerized by the sounds of the Hospital.
I go back in my mind, She looks so small and frail on the hospital bed. Her hands all gnarled with age and arthritis. She moans in her sleep and I reach out and take her hand..” I am here Yaya…Shhhh it’s okay…” She lifts her unseeing eyes and whispers “water?” I hold the straw to her lips and push the grey hair that has fallen across her face.
“Momma?”
I am pulled back, ” yes sweetie?”
” Am I going to die?” my little angel asks me. She grabs my hand so small and soft in mine ” I don’t like hospitals, my head hurts and I want to go home.” she begins to cry again.
” I know peanut, but they have to make sure your brain is okay, it’s okay, I am here” I push her long chestnut hair away from her cherubic face. I wince at the black purple bruise that runs from her forehead down her cheek, the nasty strawberry abrasion that covers it. I wonder in my head if every lesson must be learned the hard way, how many times have I fussed at her to wear her helmet? Sigh….
Her IV makes that clicking sound, and the heart monitor beeps again.
I fade in..
“She wants to go home.” I tell the doctor for the hundredth time it feels. ” She does not want to die here in your hospital, you have told me the cancer is in her Liver..please let me take her home.” They know there is nothing more they can do for her, and yet when she wakes up, he tells her that she should go home and rest for a few days and come back to start her Chemo. She reaches up and tugs at the port that they have put in her body. She nods.
” You will take me home?” She asks, as if I had not come across the country to be with her. ” of course” I smile a smile I know she can not see. “We need to get all these buzzers bells and tweets off of you first.”
we wait, for them to remove IV’s and catheters and monitors and…
click click
” I am gonna throw up momma” I lunge for the basin, and hold her while she gags and spits a tablespoon into the bowl. She leans back ” I’m tired Momma, can’t I go to sleep?”her eyes so dark behind the bruising.
My mind skitters around…I am in a hospital, but are you suppose to let head trauma sleep? I think it’s dangerous, but it’s 1 AM and this child is always asleep by 9, I inhale slowly….” let me ask a nurse.” I tell her.
I de-tangle myself from her embrace and step out from behind the curtains..” excuse me?”
“excuse me?”
“um…hello? excuse me?”
I feel my stress and frustration war inside of me..” nurse?” I finally get ones attention
” can she sleep?, she is so tired…I..” I break off
she marches in looks at charts and monitors, turns back to me ” yes..let her her rest, we can monitor her as well…”
I kiss the top of her head..” sleep peanut, I am right here” she grabs my hand in a vice grip and stretches out. With in minutes she is asleep as her grip relaxes in mine.
I gaze at the wall, the kitchen in my new house was that color of green, it took me a month to realize it was hospital green, which is why my lovely kitchen made my chest so tight.
I hate hospitals, I think it takes an incredible amount of energy to work in one.
I am lifting her into a wheel chair, I cover her lap with a quilt,” Comfortable Yaya?” She nods. I roll her to the picture window in the dining room. Her world has been a Monet painting for the last several years, but the daffodils and tulips are in bloom, the birds are singing and I know spring is her favorite season.She sits in front of the window, and then rests her head on the cool glass.

Signing Off

for now…

It goes like this…

I have a dear friend who is getting married in May. She has asked for my help with her wedding. I am making/designing her dress and her two daughters dresses. I am helping her design the wedding invitations. I am helping cook, as the caterer does not do Vegetarian and the bride is. ( not the groom) I am also taking the wedding pictures. I said Okay to all of this, because I am okay with all of this. Yes it’s a lot, but I love her.

I am also trying to get some pottery done for the upcoming show season. I am also trying to get some other art stuff done. I have a two stained glass pieces that need to be finished by the end of next month.

I have company coming starting the end of the month and running through the end of next month. ( 4 different sets..)

The 15 year old needs me to help him learn Spanish, he failed it again.

I have a car in the driveway that I need to fix the starter and then replace the CV boots on both front axles. Need to get this done if I am going to be doing any shows, cause this is my hauling machine.

So right now I feel like I am a little overly busy. I enjoy spending my time here in the blog world with so many wonderful people. I hope that you all understand when I say I am taking a break, and if I am not around to comment or post, it’s just I am a very tired puppy. I will be back when Time is more available.

I just wanted to share whats going on here.

Please take good care of yourselves,

Walk easy

and Be peace.

Vent,Growl and snarl….

I just need to put this out there..

I am so tired of this crap

I have been pushing through a lot of pottery, It is getting on to show season and I need to start making some money to pay the bills..

(You know those bills that seem to be getting BIGGER AND BIGGER…while the amount of money you make stays the same or gets smaller and smaller. )

Anyway, since I moved to the new digs, I have been struggling to find a clay supplier local, (so I am not getting clobbered on the freight) After a year of trying , I finally tossed my hands up in the air and said “I give!” Thus the trip to Atlanta…

But I had to share..

I had to show you what the issues were…

See one clay had a shrink ratio of about 18-21 %, even though the manufacturer says it’s 12%. I am convinced that maybe once it was that way, but to keep costs down and profits up they started adding copious amounts of water. Grrrrrr

Then I have this lovely problem. I have clay bodies that will not take glaze and it blisters…even with a simple clear glaze!!!!

Grrrrr.

This is a piece made from th clay from Atlanta

Notice the lovely even green…it is suppose to break brown over all the carvings, but stay green where ever it is smooth.

This piece was fired in the same kiln, same firing, same glaze, only difference is the clay body.

Notice how the green is only where the glaze was a bit thicker? what makes it worse is that it blistered and spit…

yes….spit the glaze off in certain spots.

I am sure you can imagine the heart, the time and energy that goes into something that has been carved and sculpted like this, and now it’s not even a piece I can sell.

What really gets me, however is that when I call and complain, they tell me it’s my glaze!

HUNH?

How do they figure that? When it’s fine on one piece, but not on another? It’s the standard,” Not My fault! Nope not me! It was you!!!

YOU screwed up!”

yeah I did, I bought clay local, instead of going with someone I knew was good, and had good company policy! This is where I plug Kick Wheel Clay Co. in Atlanta Georgia, and don’t even bother mentioning the …ahem.. other “clay company”.

Thanks for letting me Rant…

I could go for a few Poor babies..if you feel like it…

sigh

Contributions…

        I just wanted to let you know that I have collected 45 $ at the Labyrinth of Life shop, and an additional 10$ at a local gift shop that is carrying the Inner peace T-shirts.

I am so thrilled to be able to send a check at the end of this month to the Good Shepherd Mission Fund for their work in Swaziland. I could not have had this happen if it were not for all of your generous support and encouragement! Thank you so much!